Paradiso Perduto

There are times when I felt so worthless. I could not get anything right. Life was one wrong decision after another. There are times when I wished I could just shrink shrink shrink and then vanish, as if I was never here before. People might hate me. I didn't blame them; I hated myself too. People didn't want to be approached by me, and that's fine, I couldn't stand being me, too.  Then my supervisor drove me home because apparently I look like someone who would break down with an ugly, inconsolable cry in the middle of traffic jam. Then I realized that I haven't eaten anything but my grandma prepared my favorite food for dinner. Then I texted random message to my best friend way past after her sleeping time, and she unexpectedly replied. Then I was told that people miss me -me!- and they might sent me messages but I was unable to read it because my silly phone was broken. Then I read nice things people posted on internet and I thought it would be nice if...

Bagi saya yang sudah cukup lama inaktif di fictionpress ini, mendapatkan notifikasi review baru untuk salah satu cerita saya merupakan momen-momen tersanjung level dewa. Bagaimana tidak, update terakhir saya adalah sekitar enam bulan yang lalu, tapi masih ada aja pembaca yang tersesat  mengunjungi cerita saya. Lebih dari sekadar membaca, mereka juga menyempatkan waktu untuk meninggalkan review . Dear FP readers and reviewers, thanks for keeping a dream alive! Keep the reviews coming (for me and for your other favorite fictionpress author)! Dari semua fitur interaksi penulis-pembaca di Fictionpress, buat saya story review adalah level tertinggi. Dengan story favorite atau story follow  kita sudah bisa menunjukkan pada penulis bahwa kita suka dan/atau tertarik dengan cerita mereka, tapi story review memungkinkan interaksi yang lebih bebas. Pembaca bisa mendeskripsikan rasa suka/nggak sukanya terhadap suatu cerita. Pembaca juga bisa menunjukkan dengan spesifik mana ya...

Kau membuatku berpuisi lagi! Karena hanya lewat ini kita bicara patahan kata sepenggalan cerita teka teki setengah terisi tapi aku sudah lupa bagaimana merangkai rima aku tidak tahu lagi cara membuat makna sembunyi Mungkin, aku puas jadi makhluk bumi Mungkin aku tak ingin ke langit! Tapi Kau mengetuk Dan aku... Ah! Apakah ini! Bandung, 26 November 2015 Vera F. Maharani

I used to be that girl who does not care much about skin care. I consider myself quite blessed with (most of the time) acne-free face and no major skin complain. Of course my skin is not of the brightest kind, and it can get slightly oily at times, but hey...I don't really care. I committed all kind of skin sins in the past. I slept late. I drank less than 8 glass of water every day... heck, it's a miracle if I even reached 4 glass (should have known better since I had kidney problems as a child). I gobbled all kind of sweets and cakes, and left my veggies untouched. I used my daily face wash in the morning and that's about it. I only used moisturizer when I remember to...which means very very seldom. And sunscreen…what sunscreen? When I had sleepovers with my friends, I watched in awe as they diligently dabbed and rubbed their skincare products before sleep (and more in annoyance when their prepping up took sooo much time in the morning). I thought, I could never do t...

LOL I know I have never been serious serious in blogging (as in trying to gather audience to read my random rambling...aside from occasional shameless self promotion in the few social media I have). However, I like writing, obviously, and I like the idea that people read my writing. (I know some of you might care more about my fiction... you can read my stories in fictionpress  for free...for now). After I lurked for a while in the blog-overse, I noticed that a lot of blogs I frequent have this cute little button telling me to follow them on Bloglovin. I clicked on it out of curiosity, and... BAM. I'M ALSO ON BLOGLOVIN NOW.  It's a very simple platform that allows you to collect all blogs you love, whether they are originally from Blogger, Wordpress, Tumblr, or you-name-it. It helps you to stay update with the blogs you love. They can also help you discovering blogs you might love, based on your preference. For bloggers, it's a nice way to find audiences too. ...

Akhirnya, setelah tahun kemarin gagal ikutan Jermanfest 2014 gara-gara bentrok sama liburan di Bali, Rabu kemarin (9 September 2015) bisa ikutan juga. Opening movie kali ini adalah “Metropolis”, film bisu karya Fritz Lang yang dirilis tahun 1927. Pemutaran film ini diiringi secara live oleh Babelsberg Orchestra. Setelah main di Jakarta dan Surabaya, orkestra ini mampir juga di Bandung. Suasana Aula Barat ITB sebelum pemutaran Metropolis ( sorry for the low quality picture. I promise I will change my phone into something that has a better quality camera in the...er...far future ) Tadinya sempat mikir saya bakal nonton film ini sendirian ( which is fine by me). Maksudnya, sepintas kan film ini hanya menarik untuk kalangan terbatas. Film bisu, intertitle -nya bahasa Jerman, ada orkestra segala. Hal-hal yang bikin banyak orang kabur tapi malah bikin saya merapat, hahaha. Apa lagi ketika saya tahu bahwa event ini gratis, for me the decision to watch this was a no-brainer.  Tapi...

Saya tergoda untuk memulai post ini dengan deklarasi “ I am back! ”, seperti yang juga saya gunakan untuk membuka sekitar lima post sebelumnya…yang rupanya saya tulis dalam jangka waktu lebih dari satu tahun. Iya, saya memang balik ke blog ini beberapa kali, tapi adaaaa aja terus hal-hal yang mencegah saya untuk benar-benar stick around setelah kembali. Kemarin saya dikontak teman saya, Meutia. Senang banget dan nggak nyangka juga karena nggak ada special occassion tertentu yang bikin kita kontak-kontakan. Kami ngobrol banyak, dan akhirnya nyinggung-nyinggung soal blog. Soalnya saya blogging pake platform blogger , Muti juga, dan biasanya kami kontak via kolom komentar di blog masing-masing. Blog memang media yang menyenangkan buat catch up sama kehidupan masing-masing, cuma ya akhir-akhir ini saya nggak ada waktu buat blogwalking. Meutia juga udah lama nggak komen, tapi karena saya juga udah lama nggak berkunjung ke blog saya sendiri, saya nggak sadar, hahaha. Ternyata Muti uda...

Truth spoken in whispers will tell you apart No matter how hard you resist it It never rains when you want it to You humble me, Lord You humble me, Lord I am on my knees, empty You humble me (Humble Me –Norah Jones) source : here   Tahun 2015 yang diawali dengan ekspektasi tinggi berlalu setengah juga akhirnya. Kalau tahun 2014 buat saya adalah tahunnya pencapaian dan pengalaman baru, saya menentukan tema tahun ini adalah tahun mimpi besar. Sesuai dengan namanya, ini tahun di mana saya akhirnya berani mengambil langkah menuju mimpi-mimpi besar saya, termasuk ambil master program. Terutama ambil master program. Preferably abroad, learning things I really love, like something related to neuropsychology. More preferably in Germany, thank you very much. Setelah setengah tahun berlalu, saya rasa Tuhan memilihkan tema yang lebih cocok buat saya : penerimaan dan mencari hikmah. Banyak banget humbling experience yang saya dapat dalam setengah tahun terakhir ini. Mulai da...

Source Let us have inscription of our name on our rings, written in Tengwar, in elvish language of Sindarin Let us call them "the rings who ruled them all" And whisper to each other "my preciousss" in Gollum's voice Laugh at me, but let us have it anyway Greet me in foreign languages of your choice because that sounds nice, and I will compose for you a haiku over breakfast Watching sun rise   illuminates the backyard--   toast or cereal? Let smiles and warmth and light flood our living space and happiness and laughter and all those warm embrace Bear with me and my two left feet, and my inability to cross the street I will learn to swim too, and bike, and drive, and to accept defeat Know that every day for me is one step further out of fear and it would be so helpful if you are being near Lay beside me through all the book chapters I'm not willing to close through all the football matches I'm not willing to miss Gently...

Yep. (In case you are wondering, I am back on fictionpress too) By now, most of you will have realized that I am prone to long and unannounced hiatus. Sorry, my blog reader, if you are still there (or if you do exist at all). Between work and preparing for master courses and random projects and pure laziness I did not have that much time to write. When I did have, insecurities attacked and everything was kept in a state of rewriting ad infinitum. While I was on hiatus, I had a little chat with my boss on a return work trip from Jakarta. He just recently found out that I aspired to be an author, and he asked, "Why do you write?" I forgot what exactly my answer was, but I remembered that I was a little flabbergasted at the time. Perhaps I mentioned something about how nice it felt to be acknowledged as "the writer" on my circle of friends and to have a few people referring to themselves as "Vera's fans" after posting several stories on intern...

Meet little mage Veruchka and her pink cotton candy wolf! Veruchka is my character on habitrpg :)  Hi, people, I haven’t died yet (surprise, surprise!). I know I’ve been on hiatus for a rather long period. These last few months I’ve been quite busy, and Indonesian internet was being…well, the usual Indonesian internet, so I was not able to post a lot, aside from my short comments/rant on twitter and goodreads. I admit laziness also played some part, but no worries, now I already found a way to banish the laziness and I ‘m going to share it with you! See how nice I can be? ;) I admit that I am not naturally organized. I forgot things. I procrastinate. I don’t do things in the most effective and efficient way. I wrote things on notes so I would not forget, only to find myself completely forget about the notes later. Being organized and productive has been always an obsession for me. Some kind of elusive dream, something I always strive to be, but I was never quite there. ...