Past Midnight Rant

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
(There's Gotta Be) More To Life - Stacie Orrico

Guten Abend! (Oder soll ich sage "Guten Morgen"?)

Saya harusnya tidur di tempat tidur (iya, masak di keset -_-) tapi pada kenyataannya, saya masih mojok di sofa dengan Moneymaker di pangkuan. Baru ngeberesin tinjauan teori tugas konstruksi tes (nggak tau bener atau nggak, saya mengerjakannya di bawah pengaruh kafein dosis tinggi). Seabrek lagi tugas menumpuk, but I just can't find the spirit within me to finish them all.

I just can't find that spirit to enjoy my day. Beuh, apa lagi menikmati tugas dan ujian (oh ya, besok UTS perdana semester ini dan saya baru rencana belajar pada H-5...jam). Secara bombastis dan rada lebay, saya nulis itu di status, kayak remaja labil yang ketagihan self disclosure di jejaring sosial : not in the mood to live. Syukur nggak ada yang nelpon saya dan ngelarang saya bunuh diri. Because, well, I'm not commiting suicide anytime soon, okay? Nggak pengen dapet golden ticket straight to the hell, thank you. I'm just....not in the mood to live.

Kenapa? Well, itu pertanyaan yang sulit dijawab. Pokoknya saya lagi malas. Butuh menyepi, kabur bentar, preferably to Germany, thank you very much.

Ada masalah apa gitu ya Ver? Well, just...usual things. Saya tahu pasti apa penyebab saya ngerasa malas segala macam, tapi kok efeknya lebih besar daripada yang saya bayangkan ya, kayak pake kaca pembesar.

Saya nggak inget apakah saya pernah semandek ini atau nggak. Inspirasi kering kerontang, proyek nulis nggak tersentuh selama dua bulan. Nulis puisi gombal yang biasanya cetek aja bikin harus meras otak. Tugas-tugas pada mepet deadline semua. Saya tidur hampir pada setiap kesempatan saya dibiarkan tidak bergerak selama sepuluh menit. Kayaknya saya selalu pasang ekspresi muka yang salah di depan teman-teman, and while they think of it as a funny thing, I'm starting to doubt my social skill. 

Ah...jangan sampai semester ganjil ini jadi ajang menurunkan IPK kayak semester ganjil sebelumnya. Jangan sampai prokrastinasi parah ini bikin hidup aku tertunda. There's gotta be more to life! Masih banyak langit yang harus digapai, masih banyak tangga yang harus dipijak, masih banyak orang-orang manis yang perlu dimuliakan, masih banyak orang-orang nyebelin yang harus dibejek-bejek, hahaha.

Saya tahu itu semua tapi...heh semangat hidup, di mana sih kamu? Geura balik!
I definitely have to do something with my life. Masak calon psikolog pathetic gini sih heh... -_-

Eling, Vera! Toh kan kamu tahu apa yang kurang dari hidup kamu : kurang dekat sama Yang Maha Pencipta...

T.T

Ya Allah, dekap aku dalam lelahku...

Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
(There's Gotta Be) More To Life - Stacie Orrico

1 comments:

  1. Your writing "Masak calon psikolog pathetic gini sih" is just funny.

    Let's grab the positive side, that as a psychology will be, you can learn how to manage people's feeling by your own experience...

    BalasHapus

 

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