Paradiso Perduto

Source Let us have inscription of our name on our rings, written in Tengwar, in elvish language of Sindarin Let us call them "the rings who ruled them all" And whisper to each other "my preciousss" in Gollum's voice Laugh at me, but let us have it anyway Greet me in foreign languages of your choice because that sounds nice, and I will compose for you a haiku over breakfast Watching sun rise   illuminates the backyard--   toast or cereal? Let smiles and warmth and light flood our living space and happiness and laughter and all those warm embrace Bear with me and my two left feet, and my inability to cross the street I will learn to swim too, and bike, and drive, and to accept defeat Know that every day for me is one step further out of fear and it would be so helpful if you are being near Lay beside me through all the book chapters I'm not willing to close through all the football matches I'm not willing to miss Gently...

Yep. (In case you are wondering, I am back on fictionpress too) By now, most of you will have realized that I am prone to long and unannounced hiatus. Sorry, my blog reader, if you are still there (or if you do exist at all). Between work and preparing for master courses and random projects and pure laziness I did not have that much time to write. When I did have, insecurities attacked and everything was kept in a state of rewriting ad infinitum. While I was on hiatus, I had a little chat with my boss on a return work trip from Jakarta. He just recently found out that I aspired to be an author, and he asked, "Why do you write?" I forgot what exactly my answer was, but I remembered that I was a little flabbergasted at the time. Perhaps I mentioned something about how nice it felt to be acknowledged as "the writer" on my circle of friends and to have a few people referring to themselves as "Vera's fans" after posting several stories on intern...

I am looking at you, future. And you, future husband. LOL. Hahahaha (Percakapan Vera dan Ditta melalui LINE) Ditta (D) : Eh, sekarang teh kerja dmn? Vera (V): Health Research Unit FK D: udah tetap itu teh? V: Kontrak setaun sambil mikir mau ngambil master apa D: Woorgh D: Ke sini [Jerman] ver  V: Aamiin dit D: Sikasik V : terlalu banyak yg dipengenin euy dit lieur D : pengen naon wae emang? V : [menyebutkan daftar panjang studi bidang studi S2 yang diinginkan] D: Neuro yuk V: Pengen sih dit...haha D: Urang jg semester depan kayanya mau mulai cari penelitian disertasi D: Bhs indonya promosi jg bkn sih? D: Kayaknya neuro ok, ngan lila euy V: Biar lebih murah jadi nebeng kamu yak D: Hahaha sama si aa atuh kesininya D: Tar urg yg numpang di tempat maneh (jadi bibi) D: Hahahaha V: Iya pengennya gitu sih tapi...haha D: Haha sabar V: Kumaha abdi kudu kumaha haha D: Santai heula [Vera dan Ditta ngegosipin kisah percintaan teman-teman semasa SMA. Demi privasi...

THANK YOU, GOOGLE You know that feeling, when you wake up on the morning of your birthday and you feel, "Nothing can go wrong today because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BABY"? I feel like that a lot today, hahaha. IT FEELS GOOD. HAHAHAHAHA. First of all, thank you for Bayern Muenchen for the 2-0 win against Arsenal earlier this morning. I'M SORRY ARSENAL, I STILL LOVE YOU BUT I LOVE BAYERN MORE. Okay. Next... Thank you for those who remember my birthday. I'm saving your messages under a file titled "MY PRECIOUSSSSS". I know that's kind of freaky but hey, WHATEVER, hahaha. Thank you for those who gave me birthday presents. Much appreciated though no one give me vacuum cleaner again this year . Also to my brother who gave me premium tea bag (no doubt he snatched it from the economic conference he attended, but it's the thought that counts :)), I don't know why he constantly give me tea bag nowadays... Maybe my face just screams for more c...

Honestly, to say that "all I ever want for birthday is you" is...well...too much. I still want a lot of other things. For example, Harry Potter book 5-7. Chronicles of Narnia box set. Vacuum cleaner. A parcel of Nutella. Scholarship for neuropsychology master program (preferably in Germany, thank you very much). But if you could be a part of my birthday again, I think that would be quite awesome :) Yours faithfully, Vera

Hi, you. How are you? How's your life going? I hope everything is going well for you. It sucks, you know, not being able to see you. Hearing about you from the third party. Fourth party. Fifth. Sixth. You and your tendency to carry everything alone. It makes me worried to no end, you know. How to tell you that you don't have to be alone? That I'd eagerly help if only you asked? The last time I refused, the suffering it brought for me was unbearable. I was haunted with countless what ifs and maybes and nothing was fun about that. So if you think that it would make me feel burdened to help you...please, it's the other way around. I honestly don't know if I could ever say 'no' to you again, Dear. But you will never know because I never tell you, right? Yeah. Right. Pardon me, for this act of cowardice... Liebe Grusse, Vera P.s. I write all the things I can't say (yet) in this huge book properly titled The Book of Unsaid Things. Co...

I should remind you, though, the message here is "date a girl who reads", not " date the girl who looks like Keira Knightley holding book."   You should date a girl who reads.   Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve. Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn. She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug,...

Kepala kamu aman, tapi angin ributnya ada di hati kamu. Kamu kan orangnya gitu. Kamu itu mengedepankan rasio, rasio, rasio. Kalau soal logika, jagonya. Tapi emosinya ditekan. Mulai sekarang belajarlah. Balance. (Wejangan Bang Iqbal sebelum ngefasil di BSOT, Minggu kemarin) Kamu tuh Master of Logic banget Ver . Kalau sayang, sayang aja sih Ver. Ekspresiin perasaan kamu. Kalau harus ngerepotin orang ya sudahlah. Terima aja. (Dian Palur. Iya, iya, berisik ih, ceramah melulu nih :p) Coba kamu hayati merem sebagai suatu kenikmatan. Merem itu boleh, bukan buang-buang waktu. Kamu belajar lebih berani, tegakkan postur kamu. Biar kamu bisa move on . (Wejangan Bang Iqbal lagi. Tapi Bang, saya curiga saya memang skoliosis ringan, gimana dong. *bikin mental note periksa ke dokter spesialis tulang*) EEEH BANG? EMANG KELIATAN BANGET YA KALAU SAYA NGGAK BISA MOVE ON? (Vera, panik. Ini Bang Iqbal tau dari mana sih? Dari gerak-gerik, oke, tapi gerak-gerik yang mana? Ah, ini mist...

You looked at me squarely in the eye and you understood what message I wanted to convey. But just in case you didn't, I made it clear for you... "We are NOT going to have a conversation like this EVER again, are we clear?" You were sensitive enough for not forcing me to my limit. You raised your hands and smiled. "Okay, fine. Let's talk about something more cheerful, like, you know...unicorns? Or confettis, bubbles, biscuits...something like that?"  Bless you and your uncanny talent of making me smile. "Biscuits," I sighed. "Let's talk more about biscuits." After half an hour spent with discussing about choco cream and crusty pies, we looked at the clock, and I exclaimed, "Time really flies when we do something we enjoy, right?" You laughed. "You mean, discussing about biscuits." I honestly answered, "I mean, having a discussion with you. No matter what the topic is. We could talk abo...

"NAON SIA PELANG-PELONG? REK AING ‘SOBAT’?" — Rocktaroza Disobat lebih sakit daripada dikepret. Maksudnya ini: oo… sobat, maafkan aku mencintainya..(Padi)  (diambil dari tumblr -nya) Si geloooo. Hahaha. Ada-ada aja. Iya pisan Dir, beralasan gini yah kita teh jadi adik-kakak? Pemikiran serupa gini. Love you, you AB-normally cutie pie adorkable little brother! A very pinch-able mini Vera and Adira. Dari dulu pengen masang foto ini. Kesampean. YAY. Deine Vera

From http://weissnix.blog.de/2007/08/27/sei_stark~2877387/ Dich auch, sei stark und gute Besserung, Liebste Herz. Ich will dich hier warten. Aren't I that girl who doesn't know how to give up? I still keep my promise... :) Liebe Grusse, deine Vera

Rambling sedikit sebelum meneruskan mengerjakan laporan inventori boleh ya (IYA SAYA BELUM NGERJAIN. Saya rela dilempar jumroh...) Hidup saya sedang melewati fase lucu. Lucu yang tidak bisa dinikmati dengan tawa. Psychic Numbing mungkin *kemudian disetrika sama dosen Penanggulangan Bencana karena penggunaan istilah yang seenak perut*. Terus kenapa saya bilang lucu? Sebab nanti ada waktunya (mungkin) saya mengingat fase ini dengan tawa, hanya saja kok kayaknya masih agak lama... Saya jadi teringat saja sobat-sobat saya zaman SD, SMP dan SMA. Apa tanggapan mereka kalau saya mengetuk lagi pintu rumah mereka yang damai, curhat, dan mereka pun tahu bahwa saya masih Miss Moody yang sering bikin mereka geleng-geleng kepala itu. Kira-kira tak akan jauh dari seperti ini lah ya : Meutia  (a.k.a Muti a.k.a Dreamy/Iim a.k.a Sunny/Uny --burai-burai deh tuh semua panggilan masa remaja awal, di mana kita saling memanggil dengan varian wangi Eskulin. Hahaha) Muti dicomot dari al...

The shadow of your smile when you are gone Will color all my dreams And light the dawn Look into my eyes, My love, and see All the lovely things You are to me Our wistful little star Was far too high A teardrop kissed your lips And so did I Now, when I remember spring All the joy that love can bring I will be remembering The shadow of your smile  (The Shadow of Your Smile - Astrud Gilberto) Ich vermisse dich, Ruh You and your (sometimes) silly antics, and your waving when I go, and those little creases on the corner of your eye when you showered the world with your warm, comforting smile. That song up there, somehow reminds me of you. Maybe it's Astrud Gilberto, maybe it's the lyric...or maybe just about anything can easily connect my random mind to you. I don't even know what to write, aside from that simple sentence. Ich vermisse dich. That's it.  Hochachtungsvoll, deine Vera Ps. in case you're too tired to play the...

so you could actually sent one's mood spiraling down with only two sentences (three, if you count onomatopoeia chuckle as one sentence) written in all non-capital letter, innocent for every eyes except for those which tainted with (hopefully) unfounded jealousy. so, this painful pang who has been my friend for a while...I say hello to you again. I might cuddle only with this blog while I shun away all social media... Pain has an element of blank; It cannot recollect When it began, or if there was A time when it was not.  It has no future but itself, Its infinite realms contain Its past, enlightened to perceive New periods of pain. "Paint has an element of  blank", by Emily Dickinson

The question is : if you think you have found the love you want for a lifetime, would you give up? Would you leave the chance of standing at the end of this part of your story, thinking 'it's worth all the wait, struggle, and emotional turmoil', even if you just have the slimmest chance? Would you just leave...like that? Or would you stay, for the faintest glint of hope, for the bubbly dream that might burst in the end of this day? Even if that means you will expose yourself to your darkest fear, the chance of feeling unimaginable pain that will left you crumbled in pieces? Call me irrational, whatever, but... I choose to stay. ...and hang on for dear life.

Kepada Ruh dengan tidak menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang Baik dan Benar (karena kamu akan menganggap saya semacam grammar Nazi tiap saya pamer kesukaan saya mengamalkan panduan EYD) Ruh, Oy, halo. Atau mungkin saya harus menyapamu pakai bahasa lain, biar kamu makin ketawa-tawa. Annyeong. Guten Abend. Buona sera. Wilujeng sonten. (Moga-moga kamu ketawa. Saya suka melihat kamu ketawa) Sudah sejak lama saya mau menulis sesuatu buat kamu. Entahlah, sebuah puisi, mungkin. Atau cerpen. Atau sekadar tulisan yang sulit dikategorikan, yang sebagian besar isinya curhat terselubung. Jadi, inilah. Terserah kamu mau menganggapnya apa. Kenapa saya ingin menulis buatmu, ya, Ruh? Toh kamu mungkin tidak pernah baca. Dan kalaupun baca, mungkin tidak mengerti. Kalaupun baca dan mengerti, mungkin kamu tidak sadar saya menulis ini buat siapa. Kalaupun baca, mengerti, dan sadar, masih ada kemungkinan kamu tidak suka. Ah, negatif sekali. Buat saya cinta seharusnya positif, tapi ketika berhadapa...

Kau, wajah yang akrab Kaukah itu yang kujumpai pada hari penciptaanku? Kaukah itu yang berdenyar-denyar dalam nadiku? Kaukah itu yang menuju-Nya dengan menggamit lenganku? Kaukah itu? Kaukah itu? Jatinangor, 29 Februari 2012

Hey, you. Yes, you there. All I want for birthday is you. Still you. Well, I'm  not going to say ONLY you but... It would be really nice if you remember my birthday and LET ME KNOW about that. A little congratulation won't hurt anybody, right? Geez, I'm not even asking you to write me a congratulatory note in Italian... Uhm. Well... Please do remember. Please do remember. Please do LET ME KNOW that you remember... Sincerely (hopefully) yours, Vera

If it's true, from the start  that the name of those we love are written in our hearts.  And we search 'til we find in this jungle of confusion  something that remind us how we love each other,  that I think I've found a clue.  'Cause I'm certain I remember you Menatapmu rasanya seperti menerawang ke balik layar putih pentas wayang kulit. Kamu nyata, begitu nyata...namun pada saat yang sama, kamu terasa surreal, bagai permainan bayangan dan sorot lampu yang membawaku ke dunia khayal. Aku terpaku semalam suntuk, menikmati kamu menguntai kehidupanmu. Aku memeluk lutut dan menghela nafas ketika indera dan imajiku menekuri langkahmu, membiarkan waktu menyibak di sekitarku seperti kerumunan pejalan kaki yang tak peduli. Kamu datang. Lalu...kamu tersenyum . Ah...aku selalu menyukai senyummu yang sehangat syal rajut itu. Gerakan bibirmu (datar di tengah, dengan ujung bibir yang menanjak landai) membuat lengkung dagumu semakin kentara. Kamu memiliki kerutan ...

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly Here in this moment I'm half way out the door Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing There's gotta be more to life... Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me Cause the more that I'm... Tripping out thinking there must be more to life Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more Than wanting more (There's Gotta Be) More To Life - Stacie Orrico Guten Abend! (Oder soll ich sage "Guten Morgen"?) Saya harusnya tidur di tempat tidur (iya, masak di keset -_-) tapi pada kenyataannya, saya masih mojok di sofa dengan Moneymaker di pangkuan. Baru ngeberesin tinjauan teori tugas konstruksi tes (nggak tau bener atau nggak, saya mengerjakannya di bawah pengaruh kafein dosis tinggi). Seabrek lagi tugas menumpuk, but I just can't find the spirit within me to finish them all. I just can't find that spirit to enjoy my ...