...Then I know I am not going to drown in this pit forever

There are times when I felt so worthless. I could not get anything right. Life was one wrong decision after another.

There are times when I wished I could just shrink shrink shrink and then vanish, as if I was never here before.

People might hate me. I didn't blame them; I hated myself too. People didn't want to be approached by me, and that's fine, I couldn't stand being me, too. 


Then my supervisor drove me home because apparently I look like someone who would break down with an ugly, inconsolable cry in the middle of traffic jam. Then I realized that I haven't eaten anything but my grandma prepared my favorite food for dinner. Then I texted random message to my best friend way past after her sleeping time, and she unexpectedly replied. Then I was told that people miss me -me!- and they might sent me messages but I was unable to read it because my silly phone was broken. Then I read nice things people posted on internet and I thought it would be nice if it was written for me. Then I pretended it was actually written for me, or at least someone would write something like that for me, I just haven't known that yet. Then I read things I posted on internet myself, and realized, astonishingly, just a few days ago I was happy.

Then I realized that it is possible to be happy, and the possibility of happiness keeps increasing.

I feel emotion, which does not have to be happiness all the time, and that is okay. Some people hated me but some loved me -me!- and that's what matters. At least God does not hate me because otherwise why would He still let me see the beauty of His creation, and His entire universe does not conspire to torture me completely?

So verily! With the hardship, there is relief
Verily! With the hardship, there is relief
(Al Inshirah 5-6) 


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